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The Thin Line Between Love and Hate - A Memoir

There is something people say when they are trying to sound wise: they say that the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. I used to nod along politely because It sounded neat. Clean. Safe.

Then I lived long enough to know better.

Love and hate share a border. Not a fence. Just a narrow strip of emotional land you can cross without noticing, until you look back and realize you’re no longer where you started.

I learned this not from books, but from people.

People I loved in ordinary ways first.

It was in the way I noticed how they smiled. In the way I remembered their silences had different meanings. In the way their name softened inside my mouth when no one else was listening. Loving them felt like choosing them every day, even when it was inconvenient. Especially when it was inconvenient.

Love made me generous. way too generous.

But when hate came..

it did not arrive loudly.

It came as a disappointment at first. Very slight. Very inconsequential. Very Minute. And each disappointment was small enough to forgive on its own.

But at some point, they came together, and formed a weight I carried everywhere. And then, I started to hate them, a hatred that was born out of awareness.

I did not hate them because they hurt me.

I hated them because they kept hurting me after they knew. They saw the pain they were causing and still chose to do it - that moment redraws everything.

That is where the line is formed.

People don’t talk enough about how frightening it is to hate someone you once loved.

When the feelings disappear, they evolve into something darker...

That moment....

You begin to feel anger where tenderness used to live. You replay conversations not to understand them, but to arm yourself. You memorize their flaws the way you once memorized their laughter. Even their good moments feel like manipulation in hindsight.

And the worst part?

The hatred gets worse by each second that passes...

So....

Here is what I know now:

Love and hate are siblings. They come from the same depth of feeling, the same investment, the same vulnerability. The line between them is crossed when love is repeatedly unmet and unprotected.

Indifference on the other part comes later. Indifference is not the opposite of love. It is the grave you dig after you’ve buried both love and hate.

If you’ve ever stood on that thin line, unsure which side you’re on, know this:

Crossing it doesn’t make you cruel.

It makes you human.

Aderonke Adeyeye 2025