Aderonke Adeyeye's Blog

DREADED LOCKS Cheryl stepped on the gas and whisked us off Calorian Avenue in a flash, before we got caught up with the traffic that was building  right on Elgin Street. One minute less, and we would be neck deep in a traffic jam that could go on for hours. Trombone watched her closely as she breathed hard and fast, her nose flaring furiously and jaws clenched tightly. Her fingers turning white as she gripped the steering firmly. Trombone knew that look. It was one she or anyone who knew Cheryl well, would not wanna mess with. With this mood, Cheryl was a beast. This is not your comic book beast, but a real life beast who can destroy anything in her path in the twinkle of an eye. Imagine a quiet chocolate skinned nerd with dreadlocks, who works on her computer all day, drinking only black coffee;  who stays up all night watching The Walking Dead and How To Get Away With Murder... There you have it, that's who Cheryl is. "Why did you do it?" Trombone asked. ...

The Road To Umokoro: A Tale Of Damian And Ngozi. "Aunty, please move your bag now. I have been complaining about it since we boarded this bus. You know this space is tight as it is, yet you are now making things worse by stuffing all your things here. What happened to the boot for God's sakes? Some humans sha"  Damian swore in anger as he tried to adjust his left leg against the mountain of baggage that this troublesome woman had stored against his leg. If the reason he was traveling home wasn't annoying enough, the fact that he had foolishly decided against driving his car home was another reason his blood was boiling. If only he had driven his car, he won't have to be stuck in an uncomfortable sitting position with this demon of a woman who is doing everything possible to frustrate his trip. If the devil was human, he'd surely be in this woman's form. "For a man, you're just too troublesome and annoying. For God's sakes, how ...

My Gangsta Mom "How dare you come and threaten my son in his father's house? Weren't you raised better? Who the hell are you to come to MY house and threaten to harm MY SON in my presence?  Were wo lo gun iyan fun yin to ni ke ma worry obe?" my mother's voice thundered and threatened to bring down my late father's roof. Hiding behind my mother, I stole a quick glance at my assailants; three hefty men who looked like they lived in the gym for a living.  Even with their bulging muscles and packs, I could see them half cowering in my mother's presence. Trust me, if you were here, you would be scared shitless of my mother right now. Who wouldn't? My mother is a renowned tout, one whose hobbies were breaking bottles and beating people up. You'd think that getting married to a barrister would soften her and make her act like a lady should; na, that's not my mother. My late father's position and status in the society made it easie...

A STRANGER'S HEART The empty store, scattered kitchen, clean pots, and unused chipped plates; all indications of the lack of food in the house. The broken Louvres, unwashed curtain, torn mosquito net and broken wall; were a constant reminder of the dilapidated state of our home. Father's incessant coughs and spit, Mother's torn wrapper, Happiness' unhappy face, her ribs you could count beneath her ripped blouse, breaks my heart every single time. The setting was the same every day, every single day since father was retrenched from his work place, with no gratuity or pension. And since his early and unpaid displacement from work, it felt like a switch was turned off in father's life. Father, who was very agile and hardworking, became one of those men who sat in one place for hours doing nothing. On days he is not sitting on his cane chair outside the house, coughing and spitting, he is under the tree playing 'Ayo' with some other jobless men ...

Let's call a spade a spade. Let's call a spade or spade! Or what else should we call a spade, if not what it is, a fucking spade. How can you look at a spade, and call it something else, rather than what it is... A spade. Does it look like a cutlass, a hoe, a rake or a shear? Is it the heart, the club, or the diamond in a deck of card? Of course not!!! It is what it is... A spade. So why don't we just call it what it is? Why do we want to call it something else? Why do we stress ourselves and bother about calling the spade another thing, when it has an identity already. It is what it is. It is what it should be. It is a spade. And let's call it what it is a spade. The next time someone says "let's call a spade a spade," tell them "Yeah right, we gon call it what it is just right.... A spade." ©Aderonke Adeyeye

LOVE IN THE DAYS OF DANFO. "What do you see in that ruffian of a guy, sef?" ife asked, as they walked down the road to board  a bus going to Maryland. They were going to the Maryland mall to see the new Living In Bondage movie. "I seriously don't understand why she loves him that much. Not with him being a tout, with the dreads, tattoos and what not. How do you even kiss him with all that beards looking so shabby?" Sharon chipped in, as she took selfies of them while they walked. " It's my relationship now. Why are you both bothered about it though? I love him and he loves me and that's what matters. " Stephanie shrugged as she rolled her eyes at her friends' half-assed concern. She knew them too well and knew that their concerns were not truthful. They were just being silly and hypocritical about things. She knew they didn't like her boo, Wasiu; they have been on about how rough he looks and all since they started dat...

MAMA EJIMA. Chiamaka stood to answer the door bell.  It had better be who she was expecting. Her guest should be here by now,  she had called from the airport thirty minutes ago. Amaka looked through the peephole and quickly unlocked the door,  her facing brightening at the sight of her guest. The door opened, revealing an old woman in top and wrapper, and a big jacket on the top. She was shivering uncontrollably. "Mama eeeeee" Chiamaka screamed and hugged her mother tight.  Now everything was going to fall into place. She had been worried on  how to cope with her new child as her mother in law was late and her own mother had told her she won't be able to come for the omugwo,  because Amaka's twin sister had given birth few days after Amaka. Mama Ejima,  her mother had claimed she would rather stay and do omugwo for Chidiebere,  than come to freeze to death in Amelica..  That's her mother's way of calling America. Imagine her jo...

Spawns of Beelzebub "Does this gorgeous woman by any chance have a name?" She looked at him through her long lashes as she smiled seductively. "Mystery" She responded, taking a sip of her martini. "Hmmmm, Mystery! That sounds mysterious." He burst into laughter at his joke.  He knew he was trying too hard to get her attention. "I figure you work with Hillgates Group of Companies," She asked, pointing at the tag on his chest while staring at him intently. "Yes, I do... " He affirmed and then  proceeded to tell her about himself, his job, and family. He even slipped his relationship status into his narrative. There was something about this woman that loosened his tongue, and made him wanna bare his spirit and soul to this mysteriously beautiful stranger. "That's cool. That means you should know the men who swindled OptroTech? " That set an alarm ticking off in his head. His face clouded momentarily for a...

Under Her Wrapper. Just the other day, I told Ajihun that she is the love of my life, and she laughed at me. Showing those her white beautiful teeth, Ajihun laughed at me so hard and called me Ashewo. I felt terrible and I told her as I escorted her to the stream. And if not for her love that is intoxicating me like emu oguro, I would have left her alone and not talk to her again. But, it is this love that is making me do mumu for her. Chai!  I love Ajihun just like I love maami, I am even sure I love Ajihun more than I love maami. But Ajihun never takes me seriously. She calls me Oko obirin, and I wonder which women she is talking about. She mentions Adunni, Omo Iya Ologi but it is just play I am playing with that one. I only play with her big breasts under the moonlight. She mentions Adebanke, but truth to God, Adebanke is the one pushing herself on me oooo.  She is the one who always asks me to come and check something under her wrapper, and I love to check so...

On September 21, 2019, the Nigerian music entertainment industry was shaken by the release of the nomination list for our own Grammy Awards, which is The Headies. As we all know  The Headies nomination/award is where we know who the movers and shakers of the music industry are, who have put in a great deal of work, who has a huge fan base and who has kept it real all through the year in review (January 2018 and June 2019) Although some folks are of the opinion that they Headies Award is not a completely honest and transparent award, judging from the Mainland and Island fracas between Mavin Records and YBNL Record Label few years ago. Anyway, regardless of that,  some people still hold the award in high esteem and can't wait to start voting for their favs real quick. Getting down to brass tacks, here is the list of nominations and I'd be making my predictions, I was hoping it was like Bet9JA where I can win some dough for these predictions. Anyway,  nothing...

“Hey Mister”, he heard the little voice call out to him from the other side of the balcony. David ignored the little voice and the owner, and concentrated on rolling his joint. “Didn’t your doctor tell you smoking is not good for your health?” the little voice reached out again, upsetting David and causing him to stop rolling his joint, and focus on the little frail child sitting at a side of the balcony, staring at him with little starry eyes. David knew the kid around. He didn’t know too many people in his barrack-like building because he always kept to himself. Since he moved into the apartment three years ago, he had lived like a hermit. Always indoor typing away on his  laptop. He only came out to the balcony during afternoons like this when he was sure most of his neighbors weren’t home. David didn’t know many of his  neighbors, but he sure knew this child and his mother, because the child was an inquisitive one who asked lots of questions a lot of the ti...

Yes,  the deed has been done, The calabash broken, The milk spilt, But trust me,  it's not the end of the world. What do you do with a spilt milk? You clean the mess up. And a broken calabash? You  pick the empty pieces and throw in the dump. First of all,  never allow the world tag your baby as an "unwanted" baby.  Don't place such tag on your baby.  Even if you didn't prepare for it,  it's here already and you should plan your life accordingly. Don't allow the world shame you into thinking your life has come to a end.  Look them in the eye and tell them it's a blatant lie.  Your life has just started.  That baby is the best thing to happen to you at that point in time and you are going to act like it. Stand up from your melancholic  state and continue  living your life.  Work your butt off and save enough money for the arrival of your baby. Don't hate yourself.  Don't stop loving yourself,...

"Marry Ajike" everyone said, "She'd make a better wife and give you Ibeji" They drummed in Akanbi's ears each passing day. Akanbi simply shrugged their advice aside, his eyes on a more valuable gem. A gem that glittered in the dark, with a body as smooth as 'osun'. Her aroma smells of coconut, of rosemary flower, and apple cider. "See how perfect Ajike looks. You both would make a perfect fit" they'd say when Ajike passes, a gourd of water balanced on her head, her buxom ass swaying as she walked by. The other boys would whistle and hold their groins at Ajike's receding backside that held no interest for Akanbi. Only one woman made his blood boil in pleasure, only one made his groin ache with longing. That one that makes him want to faint with her "roboto" backside and tiny waistbeads that calls out to him when she walks down the stream. Aduke is the name of the woman he loves, the one who makes one thous...

If tears could speak I wonder what mine would say, would it speak of the pain and hurt I feel when a loved one dies of turn their back? would it speak of the efforts and stress I go through to make a living? would it speak of the many times I have had to force a smile when all I wanna do is cry? would it speak of how I barely exist when I should be living my best life? would it speak of my fears of failing and disappointment at getting no where in life? would it speak of the pain of walking through life all by myself? would it speak of the many times I have been misunderstood and labelled names I don't bare? would it speak of the times my hopes were dashed and my prayers unanswered? if tears could speak, what would yours say?

"You don't get to walk out on me when I am talking to you. " Tade stormed after me, taking two steps in one stride, as he followed me down the stairs. I ignored his noise and got down the last step, as I trudged lazily to the long sofa, I and my protruded 5 months old stomach. I plopped down on the sofa, raising my heavy and swollen legs on the center table, while resting my aching back against the back of the sofa. "Tinuade, are you deaf?  Or you just want to bed trouble this evening?" He thundered as he joined me in the living room. "Tade, I am not playing deaf.  I just came to pick my phone and rest my feet. " I groaned as another wave of pain washed over my aching bones. I know Tade and his tantrums, and I am not ready to join him in a pissing contest today,  not today.  My whole body ache. My feet.  My back. Everywhere. I am too bothered about my health and my unborn child to worry about Tade and his first wife's wahala. ...

RIKIYA EPISODE TWO I got in with Chief and we drove on in total silence in his Porsche 911 Carrera Price turbocharged 3.0-liter horizontally opposed six-cylinder engine. Don't give me that look please.  I know you are wondering how I know so much about the car.  Duh!  I am an escort and not a dumbass.  Moreover, I know cars and I am a sucker for nice cars. A few minutes later, we were parking in the parking lot of The Lagos Continental Hotel. My eyes bulged out of their sockets at the magnificent masterpiece before me. You see, that's one of the reasons I love working on the Island, you will be exposed to seeing inspirational things like this edifice. Chief locked the car, held my hand and led me into the hotel.  After exchanging pleasantries with almost every one we came across, he got his usual room key and ordered for room service. I love to go strong while on my escort duties, it helps to brazen me up for the journey ahead, and also help me...